1 Day to go: The report card

Let's be clear - I like elections. More than is in any way normal. In 1987, I was the successful candidate for Ribble Valley in the Newsround Kids' election (I won't shatter my impartiality by revealing which banner I stood under).

Five years later I did my first election all-nighter, and have emerged bleary-eyed at the end of every one since then. General Elections are World Cups for nerds.

Yet even I was not absolutely bowled over by the prospect of this one. An election few people wanted, and most will be glad to see the back of.

But it's turned out to be a lot more interesting than it had any right to be, firmly refusing to follow the pre-planned script.

So, as the party leaders criss-cross the country in search of the fabled floating voter, let's mark the final day of the campaign by filling in their report card for the 2017 campaign:


Frankly, Theresa, it's been a disappointing performance, because we both know you're capable of doing far better. You seem to think no-one will notice that you hardly ever answer the question you've been asked.  If you're going to stay away from every debate you're invited to in favour of meeting ordinary people, you might want to work at looking a little less horrified by the people you meet. Still, we both know that even this half-baked performance should be enough to see off your rivals, but it's hard to avoid the feeling that you just couldn't be bothered to try any harder.

CORBYN, JEREMY - B (Extra mark for effort)

A really solid effort - it's clear you've put in the extra hours and worked on your presentation. You've been relaxed, and at times even looked as if you were enjoying yourself. But you still don't seem entirely comfortable with the source material, and maybe next time you should try reaching out to the people who don't already like you - who knows how far you might go. You really should have spent a little longer revising the basic facts. If you can't remember the numbers, how are you ever going to get the sums right? 


You've certainly made us chuckle a few times, Tim, but if only you'd put as much effort in where it counts. It feels like you're still revising for last year's exam when everybody else has moved on. A wasted opportunity, unfortunately.


Hopefully, you've now realised the importance of learning all the subjects, not just your favourite one. We both know you'll be fine -- but we also both know that one day, ambitious rivals will overtake you if you don't expand your horizons beyond the same topic, over and over again. Not every question can be answered with the word "independence".


For someone who says they've been waiting for this moment for years, you give every impression of never having given it a moment's thought. Even the easiest questions seem to confuse you, and you have an alarming tendency, when you don't know the answer, to just make things up. Your best bet is to keep your head down, read a few books, and avoid saying anything else that might make you look foolish.

The eve-of-election podcast is online now -- looking ahead to the likely events of results night. Click the picture to listen to the latest episode.

I'll be on BBC Radio London on election night, analysing the results from 2200-0500. You can listen online here